To me the basis of a good relationship and what makes it last is…that I have nothing to lose in it! I know, even although this sounds dry and cynical, it is not too far from the truth. I firmly believe that mutual esteem is the deepest form of love and respect towards somebody else. If you think somebody is important to you, it means that you have a good opinion of this person who is valuable, just because of the way he or she is and for the inner characteristics of his / her personality. A healthy relationship relies on the “good image” you have of the other.
This must be reciprocated. If this process doesn’t work both ways, there is no growth for the people who are involved, and no matter the kind of relationship we are talking about : it can be marriage, friendship, work etc.
I am usually attracted to somebody, when I have something to learn, when I receive a positive lesson. There must be an exchange, both on the mental and emotional plan. This is enriching and allows me to make steps forward. I want to grow and develop my inner self and I don’t have time to lose.
Maybe overrated to say, but true, unconditional, reciprocal love is rare. Most of the interactions are superficial and I accept that but I do take out the best of myself when I feel loved (aka esteemed) by the other. I have loved in depth only a few people till now. Honestly, only a few relationships can be life-lasting. When it happens, I don’t let them go. I want them to stay with me, by my side.
I have always prayed to the Lord to help me encounter and keep close to me people who would love, encourage, strengthen, inspire and teach me something good. People who wouldn’t be jealous when I achieve something, when I manage to get to the top of the hill (and trust me, I know what it means to struggle in daily life!). People who can reassure my insecurity, my anxiety. In exchange, I would commit to do the same to them, in a loyal way, the best way I can and in this case I can be generous because I like to give to others.
For this reason when somebody I love achieves success, this is also my success. The joy is mutual. I love to work on projects with others : subjects, photo-amateurs, photographers. I can learn from them. I can teach them. I can upgrade myself.
For me behind a project, I would dare to say, behind my life there is an ideology. I need to excel and realise something good. I strive to achieve a result and need to demonstrate to myself that I am able to make it, that I won’t be broken by the events. I don’t want to fight by myself, I hope that somebody is fighting with me. This makes me feel stronger.
What I find is quite sad and poor in our society (but I guess this is part of the history of the human kind) is this sort of parochialism that is the result of a jealous competition between individuals. I mean, if somebody is good, you acknowledge it. There is no need to make any polemics about a more than deserved success. Why shouldn’t I encourage people who have talents?
In photography, as in many other fields, we would really need to exchange ideas and stand together, to encourage one another, to bring things together when it is about achieving success or growth. We need to know how to work as a team. One is big only when there are people behind. Unity versus jealousy and competition. This is greatness.
Elena Arvasi Portrait Photographer 