Time flies and we are almost at the end of this year. Trying to make an assessment of the past 11 months, I can say that 2022 has been a rough year in a concentrated season of life.
On the family side, it was high-pressure and tiring. My granny passed away on the 4th of January, then Dad was diagnosed with a 4th stage cancer a few weeks later. February & March were frantic months where his pain and our fears echoed his medical appointments. In April I flew back home and had the chance to spend some time with him before he died in his sleep. The next step was supporting my mum to accept her loss and grieve. Last but not least, sorting the bureaucratic stuff was challenging too.
On the professional side, I hit a high level of unhappiness with my job. My rational-thoughtful side made me hesitate about making a career move. Between October & November I took a 8 weeks hiatus from work. I was burnt out: it was both a psychological and a physical fatigue. To bounce back from this burnt-out phase, I needed to take action. I took time for myself: it was not “an empty space”. On the contrary it was a unique opportunity, an enriching time to re-focus, re-balance, re-define myself and my needs. I realised what sucked the energy our of me and what can fire me up, what can inspire me. Before writing this article I asked 6 people who have known me for ages whether they think I am a patient person. All 6 answered: Yes. I have been waiting for a long time to come to the decision of changing my line of work and to be brave enough to go for a completely different job which I will start in January.
On the photographic side, 2022 was the least productive of the past 13 years. I shot only 8 portrait sessions + 1 wedding. I haven’t done any Marketing at all to self-promote. Also, my blogging was reduced to the bones. Weirdly enough, I am not worried about that. I believe that a stagnant period can be the prelude to a new blooming season.
On the personal side… Some of my fears have been faced and dissolved in the light of rationality. I have felt worried, defeated, weak but also loved, understood, supported and cherished. I have grown and changed. The illness and the loss of my father pushed me to reconsider & redraw my life and to review some of my choices. I am more aware of what I want to achieve, what/who I am looking for in my private and professional life. Generally speaking, I consider myself a brave person, however now I am learning to put the action first. I believe that 2023 will also be another tough year but… I know that I am in the palm of His Hand and that He is leading me through this journey to self-determination and to fulfill significance.
Martina started following me on Instagram, I followed her back, that’s how it started. We did not know each other even though (weirdly enough) we are both from Parma and we were born the same year! I checked her portfolio and loved ALL of her shots, so I asked her to take some portraits of me.
We met one evening at 6 pm in some fields outside the city. It was a clear blue night, with a powerful dry heat (33 celsius!). I enjoyed posing for her. Being a photographer myself, I decided literally “to shut my mouth” and follow her lead. She was in charge & I was the subject. I was impressed by her preparation. She had clear ideas of what she wanted. Also, she had already prepared part of the set before we started to shoot (a romantic chair on the side of the field, with a white sheet hung from a tree) . She is polite, determined, clear-minded and massively focused on details.
At the end of the session I was dying to get a sneak preview but did not dare to ask. A couple of days ago I received a selection of 18 photos & collages. I cherish all of them: they are so elegant! I find that there is a mix of poetry and painting in them! This is what fine art photography means to me.
I truly believe that she captured my inner-self. These shots are delicate and I consider myself a gentle soul. They have an inch of sweetness and malinconia. They are powerful in their beauty…and I have discovered a sort of charme of the 50s in them! Last but not least, they make me feel so young!! Thank you, Martina!!
You can visit Martina’s portfolio on Instagram or you can reach her out via the website Matrimonio.com!
With sadness we announce the passing of my father, who departed this life on Wednesday 13th April 2022, during the Holy week. This article is in his loving memory
Maurizio Arvasi (Parma, 21/05/1950- 13/04/2022)
“Then the other disciple who had reached the tomb first also went inside, and he saw and believed. They still did not understand the Scripture indicating that he must rise from the dead” – John 20: 8
Even during a funeral, nobody really wants to hear talking about death. We are sick and tired of talking about death and the bad, as this appears daily on the tv and in the newspapers. There are battles going on all across the world but we also experience them on our personal journey. There are people we know and love who are dying for many reasons and yet we struggle to accept human suffering and death.
I am Christian, even although I have doubts in my faith. However, even as a Christian, I can’t perceive pain as a blessing, I rather see it as a curse. Having seen my father recently pass away, following a short but very harsh fight against cancer, I am sure that there is no logical reason nor a rational explanation behind and beyond human pain and suffering. What we can do, is somehow justify or accept pain and death through love. We can live it to the end, being unable to get any answers to our questions.
God is not acting like we would, but it is also true that: “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways my ways, says the Lord” – Isaiah 55: 8.
Death and by extension the evil cannot “imprison” God. I believe that God is present amongst us. He exists and is working silently, under all circumstances. My family and I, we experienced a sort of “caring comfort” continuously, during the illness of my father as we experienced a serie of “favorable circumstances”. We had the impression that “an invisible hand” was, somehow, holding us and leading us through it. Throughout the dark time of his illness and also after he died, we have been literally surrounded and constantly supported by the presence and affection of friends, family, acquaintances. We have been lifted up in a way that we would have never imagine. This let us feel loved and gave us mental strenght.
“I, the Lord, have called you for a righteous purpose, I have taken you by the hand” – Isaiah 42: 6
I took the below above the day before dad passed. It is a meaningful memory to me, as it remembers how our Heavenly Father holds our hands, as we walk through an hard time.
I have seen my father suffering from a string of physical illnesses throughout his life. This was accompanied by a long period of depression, that began when I was a teenager. It wasn’t unusual for us to see him struggle emotionally or to accompany him to medical check-ups or to follow-up appointments. Over the years, he underwent through several surgical procedures. But he always fought hard and bounced back, in his weaknesses he was brave, and firm in persevering and in respecting the life he had been given.
In spring 2021 he showed mild signs of feeling unwell. The main and only symptom was, for months, an uncomfortable diarrhoea. By autumn he had lost weight but was still active and engaged in his activities.
In the beginning of January 2022, when I saw him, days after his mother (my granny) had passed, I had to admit to myself that something bad was ongoing, under the surface. He had lost his appetite and the weight’s lost was now worrisome.
On 21st January he had an emergency chest MRI. I should have flown to Edinburgh on 22nd January but, due to a prolonged bronchitis (providential plan of Fate!), I was forced to stay in Parma until early February. On 30th January we got the results and that’s when the world shuttered down for us. The diagnosis was overwhelmingly grim: stage 4 of gastro-esophageal cancer. As of today, I clearly remember how my father rolled his eyes when he heard it was a tumour.
A wicked waiting game started, as I moved back to Edin: I was unaware how the events would unfold and when the worst could happen. The phone calls to my parents became a daily routine and the prayers were incessant. So MANY people prayed over Maurizio. He was supposed to enter in the hospital on 12th March to start a chemotherapy cycle, but he caught Covid. Two nurses were coming at home a couple of times a week to administer medication. My mother, as a form of self-defence, was wrapped up in a denial phase, and was acting like dad had a flue.
On 30 March, turning point date, he was admitted to hospital. That day, after speaking with my team leader, I booked flight return tickets for 8th of April. During his first week in hospital, he still sounded responsive on the phone, with his beautiful sense of humour and his warm voice. Then I heard him fading away and I really felt out of control.
Back home, it was time to see him. Covid procedures were still in place at the hospital, so my mother sent me in her place, as it was only possible to enter the ward every other day, for 1 hour, 1 person at a time. I saw my father twice before he died, on the 10th and on the 12th of April, 1 hour each time.
These visits were special times that I will cherish forever. I remember the look on his face, the amazement when he saw me enter his room, dressed up in Covid’s protective clothing, saying and repeating: “What a lovely surprise you’ve given me, what a lovely surprise!”. I had time to hold him tight and to tell him that we loved him the way he was and that he was part of a project of love.
On 13 April, I was at home with my mother. In the afternoon we had had a friends’ visit and in the evening, we would have dinner with my father’s cousins (they were going to pick us up by car). At around 6:10 p.m., we received a call from the hospital. A doctor informed us: “Maurizio’s condition has worsened. We ask you to come here as soon as possible, in order to discuss the situation”. I remember well the shock that ran down my spine. I tried not to think and silently prayed to God: ‘I know that You are there.’ You are there for us, You are here, among us.
The rest is history: my cousins literally flew to our house and accompanied us to the hospital, where the doctor told us that my father had passed away shortly before, around 5 p.m. His heart had given out in his sleep. I can’t remember exactly what I felt at that moment, perhaps on the one hand I felt lost, on the other relieved, because his situation had become unbearable. In his last days, dad was pumped of morphine (he told me he couldn’t feel anything inside his body). He was lucid until the very end, but he was bedridden, his body was unrecognisable and was attached to a multitude of tubes.
In the aftermath of his death, my mother and myself, we did not feel alone, we pretty much felt part of a community (of friends, family, believers) who was there not only to support us but also to celebrate my father’s life.
His tumor taught me a lot about trust and resilience. I discovered a strength and an agency I could not imagine to have. I have seen the light shining through the cracks.
Jesus never sugar-coated what this life would be for us. He was honest, in fact he told us that we would face many obstacles and trials. Our bodies fail us, relationships fails us, our well-made plans too, but there is One that won’t. What I have learn so far from this very painful experience, is that “bad” and “good” are linked together in a mysterious, invisible way. Just after the struggle. comes the peace.
We have been redeemed. Humanity has been redeemed by His sacrifice, over and over again. And even when darkness seems to prevail, it won’t. Life beats death, death must not have the last word over life : this is the Easter message. Christ’s risen!
We wish you to be in peace, papà. We are grateful that you know now the perfect love, as you are close to Him, and part of His love. A piece of yourself lives in us. We love you and we are proud of you. Ciao, Capitano!
This life frame is crazy. 2022 started abruptly. Just about everything has been turned upside down. The last 4 weeks have been a rainfall of positive & negative events falling one after the other, in a rapid succession.
On January 4th when my 90 years old granny suddenly passed away for a massive heart attack. I flew back to Italy on January 7th but just missed her funeral by a few hours. I had already booked my tickets for those dates in early December, when we were unaware of everything. Was it destiny? I don’t think so. I have spent most of the time with my family, and catching up with a few friends. It was heart-warming and sad at the same time. Dad’s health is now giving us cause for serious concern.
I got the chance to pose as a model for a talented friend (a photographer who I consider to be a sort of an “Edgar Allan Poe of the camera”) Stefano Cavazzini. With my immense pleasure, he has already forwarded some early shots to me and I am in love with them! The day after I caught acute bronchitis and, because of that, I had to cancel my flight back to the UK. That is the first time in my life I have had to cancel a flight because of sickness.
In the meantime, a couple of my recent pics were published in PhotoVogue (this is always good for my self-esteem and provides a great and remarkable encouragement to keep on with my photography)!
I have felt lonely, worried, angry, uplifted, hopeful, rational & irrational, passive & pro-active, lost and so much loved. Things are changing quickly, this is a fact, and whilst one side of me looks forward to this, the other part is scared. As somebody told me a long time ago: “Only from time of crisis we can expect good things to come out”.
In January 2022, whilst on holidays, I had the chance to have a portrait session with a talented photographer who is also a dear friend, Stefano Cavazzini. Below you find his very much tasteful selection:
During these last few hours of 2021, I am trying to take stock of this year, which started in a tortuous way and ended pretty much straight! Unlike 2020 (which was dominated by fear and stagnation), 2021 was more than a positive year that helped me experiment and to widen my horizons! It was a period of recovery, but not only that.
I tried several new things: it was a year marked by friendships; I opened up (for the first time in my life!) to online dating; I reopened a blog (after a 6 years hiatus); I went back to film photography (whoop whoop!); I planned to move to a new country. Throughout the year I gained more self-consciousness and these past 12 months encouraged me to trust my intuitions! On the professional side it was hectic as I struggled to focus on tasks and prioritize my work. Sometimes time passed quickly and at other times slowly.
My HOPE for 2022 is to be more structured in pursuit of my personal life, work & hobby.
I recently had portraits taken of…me! This is the story. I wanted to frame a nice picture of me for my dad’s birthday, so I contacted Portobello based photographer Jo Tennant. From time to time I enjoy modeling: yes, I have a “peacock side”! When it comes to portraiture I am also very curious to observe other photographer’s working (especially if they are Professionals). Posing for Jo was good fun: she is 100% approachable & while we were working, we chatted all the time of the shoot!! I really felt comfortable and I am really happy to praise her work & artistic talent with this post. When I received the pictures I was blown away!! They are how I wanted them to be: spontaneous, gorgeous shots, filled with mesmerizing colour and with the a beautiful golden hour lighting!
One of my weakest points is not being constant, not producing articles or taking photo shoots regularly. I would like to write more often and on a regular basis. There are periods where my brain is filled with ideas and I readily jump into action whilst other times I am almost drained of initiative. I have always been ashamed of this side of my personality. I should push myself more forcefully (I can be lazy!) but sometimes I just lack the impetus. Over the past few years I brainstormed a lot about my Facebook page (and I also asked advice from my friends): how to direct it, what topics to publish, what could be perceived as more interesting but at the same time would also catch my interest and any others who follow me.
At the moment I have a sort of a mental block but I am sure it is only temporary! Generally speaking, I would say that variety is important, like talking about my photographic journey, my shots, other photographers’ portfolios & experiences, new ideas & trends, maybe equipments…but always about photography!
If you have nothing interesting to say, it is better to be quiet for a while but that’s not an original thought!!
2020 has undoubtedly been a ghastly and exhausting year and has felt as if it would never end. We have lived through what we could have never imagined as possible. Considering how events were progressing, on more occasions I feared that the “very worst” might happen but actually it never arrived. My family and the people I love are still here. I have been facing my fears, some doubts and decisions-to-be-made about my future and have reviewed a couple of relationships.
On the other hand, if this year has sounded slow, almost frozen, the entire decade has really flown by and a new one is about to start. So much has happened during the past 10 years: from being a student I became a professional, I had the opportunity to live in and discover different countries, I have met so many people and this has impacted on my life as a blessing. I have become more self-conscious, somehow some part of me has changed and my way of thinking is slightly different. My photography has evolved quite a lot in interesting ways.
I would describe my “2010 > 2020 phase” as psychologically tough, self-inquisitive, challenging, adventurous, idealistic, passionate, restless, fast. It was a stage of life that I needed to go through and I did it.
What do I hope and expect now for the next decade? Less moving around and to settle down!
P.S. I can reassure you that the picture is not a photo-montage, I really was in the garden. It was just taken with a very shallow depth of field!
I feel a bit uncomfortable to acknowledge this but…very often I take things on the personal side (yes, I am touchy!!). Accepting and handling criticism is a big challenge for me. This is applicable to my photographic experience as well as to my life’s journey.
I am here now thanks to a lot of hidden work that happened “behind the scenes”. We become who we are and we eventually succeed although other people won’t be able to see what has led to our present circumstances. Criticism does not necessarely need to be negative and positive criticism is an essential tool to allow us to challenge and improve ourselves. Even if it is “negative”, you can use it to achieve positive results.
I believe that criticism depends a lot on “Who”, “How” and “Why” it is made and if you want to receive it. How do you perceive the critic? Is he/she respected in the field of knowledge or just a “loud mouth”? What does this person represent to you? Is there an emotional bond between giver and receiver? In the end is criticism subjective or objective or both?
In my life I have received the “best “critics from people who loved me but sometimes also from those with whom I had little or no connection. I understood that in the end, they weren’t polemical notes against me, as they allowed me later to move forward. I think that a serious critic should have an in-depth knowledge of the topic or object under discussion and an honest attitude towards you. We all make mistakes but we should be self-aware enough to recognise them and turn them into strengths and a learnt experience.
Ru & Ian, your garden is stunning! P. s. Thank you Fra for this lovely shot!
The Queen has a passion for photography and she has played a huge role in the contemporary history of this country but it is not just that…She has set the bar high, providing us with an example of a life grounded in a sense of responsible duty, free from selfishness. I have always wondered how she made it through several decades, being so stable and dutiful. I admire and respect her deeply, both on the professional and personal side.
In springtime I sent her a short Thank-you letter, saying how much I appreciated her for being a good example to others and for applying constantly a strong sense of justice, dignity, discipline and search for truth. And last month I was surprised and delighted that I got a response!! I am happy to display the letter here…God save the Queen!!
It took me a while to discover the meaning of Fine Art Photography. Fine Art Photography is generally described as relating to the intent of the photographer since the photographer is using photography as a medium for a creative expression. The goal of fine art photography is therefore to express an idea, a message, or an emotion in an incisive way.
I agree with this and I like the idea behind Fine Art Photography. It is also an interpretation of our society, people, and the situations in which they find themselves. I firmly believe that Fine Art must be intended as “good quality” photography that is equally a question of taste, sensibility, a combination of elements, colors and feelings.
For me these two portraits fit well with the above description, They were taken at different times (in 2013 and in 2020), places (in London and Parma) and by the hands of different photographers (Matthew Bishop Photography and Maria Buttafoco). When I look at them, I feel rather proud to be the subject of a classy, beautifully colour-balanced and tasty composition but it is not just that. To me they bring memories of two different stages of my life that were meaningful and it is the personal factor that, for me, is vital in photography.
I gather that photography after all, as all the arts, is subjective.
When I started photography in 2009 it was a simple hobby without any expectations. I had no idea whether I would be good or not. I jumped into it with both feet because I liked taking pictures. After a few years, I had improved my techniques and equipment and I felt the need to get in touch with other photographers or photo-amateurs. I was looking for some inspiration and for their advice. I wanted to learn and grow and for other people to share our experiences and…the Internet was out there, calling for me!
However, narrating my photographic activity and documenting it on social media has been a long and nonlinear path…my hesitancy and perfectionism must have definitively kicked in the process!! Over 15 years I have been on the following platforms, with different outcomes:
2007: I discovered Facebook
2010: I created a WordPress blog which lasted 5 years. In that period I was also was using on a daily basis my Facebook page
2015: I closed the blog (thinking it was something “out of date”) and opened an account on Flickr
2021: Flickr being almost “dead” + got the feeling that just my Facebook page was not “enough”. Therefore, I went back to my first love, blogging!, as I was missing it and opened this website (that should be closed by the end of this year)… I am not convinced about its layout and navigability!
2023: I opened this blog (the 3rd one) I am writing on now: https://elenaarvasi.com/ I am using and updating it as main tool for my photography
The platform I have loved most and that has given me the most satisfaction is WordPress. It challenges me to express myself, it pushes me to be active on the web and to consider myself as a conceptual artist. Social media has changed my attitude towards work and so many aspects of life. Now we are living and working, in most cases, inside of a technological bubble. Contacts are more frequent and it is easier to discover and follow somebody or something but these contacts can be very superficial. Creating a network on the web is almost essential but often lacks human connection and a deep interaction. A face-to-face exchange makes the difference.
I still believe that a blog is “your face” on the internet, is partly a reflection of your personality and choices and allows a fairly direct approach with the people who follow you. I am thankful to this platform for allowing me to achieve, through learning, developing and persevering, a personal fulfillment and demonstrating to myself that I am capable of reaching my goals, despite the obstacles that I have faced.
I am turning 37 years old this week-end. I don’t believe that age is important in relationships and I am not ashamed to confess that I have had many friends who are over 60. Some of them are sadly no longer with us. They have a place in my heart.
I consider a part of myself an old, grumpy person. I can be a loner. Maybe also for these reasons I find it easy to establish a connection or a relationship with older folks.
The age gap can form a sort of a peaceful attachment. Older women especially have had a charismatic impact and a caring presence throughout my life. I have been guided and learnt and absorbed lessons like a sponge. There is no sort of competition or sense of judgement that can happen to people of my age.
Talking recently with a good friend (this week-end she will be 75!) she said: “What plans can you see for me at my age?”. When I hear this kind of sentiment, a part of me becomes grey and I feel sad but I got her point. Sometimes I also ask myself what is the purpose of my journey and what am I fighting for.
We are all human and I reckon that most of us can be frail at times. Age can allow us to see things in different perspectives and with more detachment.
What I have always appreciated in older friends is the fact of being a solid, experienced presence, with their feet planted firmely on the ground. They are like a reassuring oak tree in a society whose pieces are moving and dancing all the time. They are just there. Wise teachers. I am really thankful and I feel blessed for their friendship.
This is a selfie. My friend Francesca, the mum (aka the bump), took it a few days ago in the afternoon, while she was resting with her older daughter Irene (the little hand).
This image, in my opinion, could be suitable for an exhibition; even although it was taken with a mobile in an unplanned moment; even although it is a selfie; even although it is maybe a bit too dark ; even although the quality is not that high. Nothing is missing there. Everything is highlighted and concentrated. There is love, silence, darkness, waiting, hope. Three lives and three hearts close to one another, beating together in such a small, confined space. Everything is captured in this little square mobile upload but the three of them seem ready to jump out of the frame.
I asked Francesca if I could post it on my Facebook page and I hope that this intimate shot will be seen by many, otherwise it would be wasted because it is just perfect. She was delighted for me to do this.
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully
, I really was in the garden. It was just taken with a very shallow depth of field!
Elena Arvasi Portrait Photographer 